Hate It When That Happens

I was watching my favorite government conspiracy drama with my friend one night when a familiar scene came on. The FBI surrounded a house, and when it was time, they came crashing through the windows and doors. This reminded me of a time when this happened to me. I was quietly sitting at my computer writing my report, as a good student would, when CRASH! Through my windows and door come these guys in black with the acronym "FBI" on their backs.

Well, it turned out that they had the wrong house. (Or did they?) To make it up to me, one agent offered to let me ask one question about a government conspiracy and he would tell me the truth. I thought for a minute and then to make sure I wouldn't end up dead, I asked, "If you told me anything, would you have to kill me?"

"No," was the reply. "That's your question, good-bye." As he and the other agents were walking out the door, he turned to me and said, "By the way, we were never here."

Oh, forget that story, it never happened.

I told my friend the story and his reply was, "Hate it when that happens."

ME: Or when it doesn't. How about paper cuts?

FRIEND: Worst possible cut. No toilet paper?

ME: Worst possible situation. Cable goes out during the Cubs' World Series Game.

FRIEND: Least likely situation.

I mean just think about all those situations you hate. Making the last payment and the product breaking. Just finishing putting together a stereo case and finding out you installed the door for a compartment wrong. You are then forced to disassemble the entire unit and start all over since the door was instruction number five of 2,000. How about when you can't decide between a burger meal and the chicken meal at a fast food restaurant? You order both but then you find out that they have been sitting for an hour, leaving you six dollars lighter and no appetite.

Who brings these situations on us? Our friends, enemies, government, Greek gods, gremlins, green guys from space?

My friend and I went on and on, covering everything from running out of pencils during the ACT to being in the store looking at the latest action figures, thinking your friend is behind you when actually he left to look at the toy gun section, leaving you asking out loud whether or not the suit comes off the action figure and if the guy underneath it is really as scrawny as the actor who played him in the movie only realizing that behind you stands a girl you like and were going to get the courage to ask to the dance next week and she is giggling at you and next day you are mocked at school by everyone. Breathe. The mockery causes your grades to drop, you can longer be the star of the basketball team, thus losing the scholarship, making you work more hours to pay for college next year. With the added work you can no longer go out with your friends, thus making you lonely and a perfect profile for a psycho maniac computer hacker whose house is raided by the FBI while you are hacking into their system from your home computer but are quick enough to bring up a fake report. Breathe.

If you hate it when that happens, think about the scenario that causes you to wander off to the toy gun section just to anger the store clerk and get kicked out while your friend's life is ruined. Just think about it. If you dare.