So a politician, a lawyer, and a federal agent walk into a bar. They each have a drink. The politician notices a cute blonde at the end of the bar and says to the lawyer . . okay, far enough, no jokes; it was a good one though.

Every day we see headlines that some politician has lied concerning events that he partook in or promises he didn’t keep. We have jokes about them just as we do lawyers. Lawyers are thought to do anything to get their client found not guilty, such as finding a loophole about some date or fine print in invisible ink, The government organizations are not immune from jokes either. The one group we don’t have jokes about is ourselves. Here’s the really funny thing, I don’t know a person who hasn’t lied, weaseled out, or played dumb to get out of trouble.

If you say you’ve never done such a thing to get out of trouble, I’d be willing to bet my life savings of $3, my base-ball card collection, and my parents’ car, that you are lying now. Am I right? Okay, so now you are guilty, but what? I didn’t specify a time frame, so you thought I meant within the last day. True, I did use the word “never,” but forever and never mean nothing these days. When was the last time you never did something? See? When was the last time you forever washed our parents’ car after they loaned it to you as a kid? Right there, a broken promise. How about when you were caught playing with action figures in your adult age and said the words, “What action figures?” I could go at this all day, but I won’t. So I lied. Here are some more situations:

YOU: I promise I’ll take out the trash as soon as I’m done watching television.

POLITICIAN: I promise I’ll clean up this town as soon as I’m elected.

LAWYER: My client was not briefed on how strenuous the job would be or the duration.

GOVERNMENT: There was no situation to take care of.

YOU: Broken window? I don’t know what you are talking about.

POLITICIAN: Contributions? I don’t know what you are talking about.

LAWYER: Stolen goods? My client doesn’t know what you are talking about.

GOVERNMENT: Gunman on the grassy knoll? I don’t know what you are talking about.

YOU: Lying? Never!

POLITICIAN: Lying? Never!

LAWYER: Thief? Never!

GOVERNMENT: Cover-up? Never!

YOU: The answer to that question is simple, I forgot.

POLITICIAN: Actually, the answer as to why the crime rate is up is quite simple. Since crews were busy working on the roads that were neglected by my predecessor, the workload was up. The city crews could not handle the work, so extra private contractors were brought in. Two of the three contractors hired skipped out, which can be attributed to the fact that this town does not have the capacity to attract business. If more business was attracted, the quality of living would be higher without the use of tax dollars.

LAWYER: Why did he do it? Insanity.

GOVERNMENT: I could tell you, but it’s classified.

YOU: I think we’ve covered this subject enough.

POLITICIAN: I believe I’ve answered the question.

LAWYER: Objection! Already covered my client’s status.

GOVERNMENT: Just read the 2,000-page report on the incident and all will make sense.

If “YOU” in any of these situations sound familiar, remember that before you crack a joke. If you crack jokes at these important members of society, you must depend on someone you made fun of sooner or later to get you out of a ticket, lower your property taxes, or to rescue you from a hostage situation. Can you trust them then?

About Chad Leigh Kluck

Chad Leigh Kluck
I am the author of the book I Think Therefore I Am, A Collection of My Thoughts (2000). I don't write humor and fiction as much as I used to, but I still remain active online writing about technology, DIY projects, railroads, and history. More...

I enjoy comments and feedback. Let me know if you have anything to share with me like stories, pictures, or other media. You can also contact me directly via the contact form. I'd love to hear from you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *