Answers, Precious Answers

By Chad Leigh Kluck on

Recently I was told that I have an answer for everything. This made me think as my ego grew bigger: Am I smart-minded or smart-mouthed? I have been asked many ques­tions and I feel that my superior knowledge is being wasted on just the few people who get up the courage to ask the great Chad. I have decided to take some time out of my busy day of studies to share some of my knowledge with you, so please, take notes, no repeats.

Our first question comes from Lawley Caley of Oak­land, California:

Q: Is it more practical to run or walk in the rain of you do not have an umbrella?

A: I have dwelled on this issue myself. The issue here is: If you run you will get out of the rain quicker, but are you also not running into more drops? We must first calculate. After hours of calculations, this equation is what I came up with: W = (Ymc2)3. Use this calculation to figure the proper speed to travel. Too fast too wet, too slow too wet, the proper speed, which is in the middle of the two extremes, actually leaves you completely dry.

Our next question is from Milinda Nelson, Allentown, Pennsylvania:

Q: Which is the proper way to hang toilet paper Uverhand [sic] or underhand?

A: Overhand starts with an "O." The proper way is under­hand unless you are left-handed.

Carl Jovon, Salem, Oregon:

Q: A friend told me that the world's tallest building was in Malaysia, but I told him it was the Sears Tower in Chicago and then hit him. Am I right?

A: Morally, no. As for the Sears Tower, no. According to The International Council of Tall Buildings, the tallest building in height to structural or architectural top is the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpar, Malaysia, which is 1,483 feet. The Sears Tower in Chicago, Illinois, has the highest occupied floor and highest rooftop (1,431 ft.). The tallest building in height to tip of spire or antenna is the World Trade Center One, in New York City, New York (1,728 ft.). The CN Tower in Toronto, Canada, is the tallest human-made structure in North America (1,822 feet).

Tyson Dempster, Casper, Wyoming:

Q: I keep on getting all of these trial CD-ROMS for my com­puter in the mail. What do I do with them?

A: If you do not wish to install the software on your com­puter, use them as coasters. Your furniture will thank you.

Athol Rory, Mahnomen, Minnesota:

Q: I just received a letter bomb in the mail the other day. Which wire do I cut to disarm it? There are three: red, green, and blue.

A: I would go with the green, but how do you know that some whacked out guy did not use the green in place of the red and red is the wire you really want to cut? That is what I would do. No, I would not. I would use only one color. Black. Or maybe I would use a multi-colored wire, you know, one that had a mixture of red, green, blue, and pink insulation. Why have insulation? Just strip the wires and have bare copper! I prefer nickel myself, though.

Fredella Laurette, Spokane, Washington:

Q: We women are capable of creating bombs also.

A: Sorry, I should have said: " do you know that some whacked out person did not use the green in place...." My apologies to you women readers out there.

Alton Rhodes, Bridgeport, Connecticut:

Q: How many people live per square mile in New York City?

A: 24,000. That is the same population of my hometown.

Inga Dacy, South Bend, Indiana:

Q: How much did Air Force One cost?

A: There are two planes. The VC-137B cost $36.6 million and the VC-137C cost $36.2 million.

Addy Mae, Blair, Nebraska:

Q: Are these names made up?

A: No name is made up. All are taken from 10,000 Names for Your Baby, Hardly Books, New York, New York, 1997.

Thank you to The International Council of Tall Build­ings for the Sears Tower information and the USAF for the Air Force One information. Keep up the good work, guys. And gals.