Christmas Wish List

By Chad Leigh Kluck on

The day after Thanksgiving is traditionally known as the day after Thanksgiving. It is also known as the busiest shopping day of the year. For some reason, even though stores have Christmas decorations up already in July, shoppers do not start shopping until the day after Thanksgiving, which is on a Friday this year as it is every year. I would like to ex­plain my theory on this.

Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks, hence "Thanksgiving." Families get together at each other's houses and have a feast, usually of turkey and ham. While at the dinner table, Aunt Sue may hear what her nephew Joe wants for Christmas. In this case, a really gory game for the play station that will cause Aunt Helen to become angry with Aunt Sue for giving such a gory game to a five-year-­old.

In other words, gift ideas come out at the Thanksgiving feast when extended family is in town, sometimes sleeping at your house, eating your food, and using your bathroom, possibly even snooping through your medicine cabinet. In fact Thanksgiving, like Christmas and Valentine's Day, was created by the department stores so that there would be fewer returns after the holidays. If Uncle Jim says he needs a new combination drill, saw, and sander tool while chomping on the turkey at Thanksgiving, chances are, someone will buy it for him. If someone buys something that is actu­ally wanted, it will be one fewer item that the stores have to take back, thus making the creation of yet another holiday a success. Thus reiterating what I stated earlier about Aunt Sue and yada, yada, yada.

Now that my original subject has run dry of humor and I have three hundred more words to go, I will attempt to convey my wish list since I spent Thanksgiving alone with myself in St. Paul, Minnesota, far away from any family member whom I would be able to hint to at the feast. I was doomed to spend the Thursday by myself, putting up Christmas decorations in my dorm. Since I sat alone by my tree, here is my list in poetry.

World peace is a big tradition To wish for as a lil' Christian Again, again, I would get stiffed By the jolly man who was piffed My yearlong actions he would see Invading my own privacy.

Trains and railroads I enjoy Mod'ling them is quite a joy My room is too small for a set If you want to buy please don't fret A railroad line is more than good To go through the mountains ast* should A steam engine is quite preferred My own line would not be absurd.

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is class I'd like to watch as time does pass A notebook computer is great Would be a gift from heaven's gate

I could use it as I do eat I could use it as I compete I could use it while at a bar I could use it while in a car I could use as I travel air I could use as I go erywhere*

Please purchase for me as you will Thanksgiving I hope you had your fill.

*ast--as it *erywhere--everywhere.