As the World Groans

By Chad Leigh Kluck on

I've never quite figured out soap operas. As far as I know, they all deal with crooked people, terrorists, someone getting lost, a wedding with a disaster, and some other weird situation. I will admit that they can be addictive. I was really starting to enjoy and follow them when I realized, hey, I'm not watching the same soap every day. Which means, hey, they are all the same. I wrote my own soap called "As the World Groans." If it sounds like your soap, it's just a coincidence since they are all the same.

Today we begin my soap opera in the lovely mansion of Widow Gilgor as she is speaking to her deceased husband of six years. "If you don't leave me alone, I will demand a separation," Mrs. Gilgor says as she sits on the couch knitting.

"But, honey, we love each other," comes a whisper.

"Till death do we part and I want to part!" she exclaims as there is a knock at the door. "Come in."

"Good day," says her illegitimate son, Barnes, as he walks in with his fiancee.

"What are you doing here?" Mrs. Gilgor asks.

"We just want to go over our plans for the wedding," replied Barnes.

"There won't be a wedding as long as I'm around," snapped Mrs. Gilgor.

Barnes' fiancee giggled and said, "Why surely you don't think I'll be held hostage, fall down a well, or get amnesia on my wedding date? Do you?"

"I will not allow you two to get married! You are my son, and I will not allow it!"

"Mother, you had me out of wedlock, set me up for adoption, and left me to work my way into Harvard. There I met Lisa, whom I fell in love with. I can't help that Lisa is the daughter of your arch nemesis who killed your first two husbands."

"Three," whispered a voice.

"What?" asked Barnes, startled, "You can't prove that she murdered Frank. Besides, she's dead."

"No, she isn't. She'll show up, and you are not getting married while I'm around." Mrs, Gilgor stomps out of the room, leaving Barnes, Lisa, and her deceased husband, Frank, alone.

"Well, then maybe you won't be around," Barnes grins.

The scene is now a South American jungle village that civilization had not met until Andy's uncle, Jerry, crashed the plane they were flying in during a rainforest expedition. We are left to wonder, as we were two weeks ago when they left, why Andy's mother would allow him to go to the Amazon with his uncle. The village people think Jerry and Andy are spirits from the sky brought down to keep the village from starving. Right now Jerry is unconscious in a hut and Andy is helping the village people create an irrigation system from the pond to the fields.

The scene is now woodland where Jack had earlier pushed his fiancee, Jamie, down a cliff while hiking with her. As of right now his exact reason for doing so is unclear, but everyone knows she had it coming. Jamie is now at the bottom of the cliff crawling, hoping to be found. But as she crawls, she doesn't realize that she is getting nearer and nearer to quicksand.

At the hospital Charlie is starting to come out of his coma. It appears he took a bad dose of wine while dining out with his business partner Vanessa. Will he have any recollection that he found out that she had made some bad deals or will he not be able to stop his business from going under?

Vanessa walks in and sees Charlie's wife by his side. "How is he doing?" she asks.

"He's been drifting in and out for the last hour," his wife answered. "I need some coffee. Do you mind staying here while I step out?"

"No, no problem," Vanessa said.

After Charlie's wife leaves the room, Vanessa reaches into her purse and pulls out a syringe. "No problem at all." And that is all for "As the World Groans."