The Book

I Think, Therefore I Am: A Collection of My Thoughts

Before Facebook, before Twitter, before YouTube and Blogs, the Internet was a spacious void containing My Thoughts, humor essays by Chad Kluck which were disseminated weekly via email and static HTML web pages. In the year 2000 these emails and web pages were bundled and published in a book, the real kind, the paper kind made with dead trees giving a physicality to pages that could be flipped and torn through, highlighted and doodled upon, or used as kindling or toilet paper during times of emergencies and desperation. Fifteen years later these essays have been digitally re-mastered, restored to their original format of 1s and 0s as they were originally conceived and intended.

Within this eBook Mr. Kluck finds an abundant catch when he dips a net of satire into the mainstream of secular life. For example, one might ponder the conspiracy exposed by the poor performance of the 1997 Chicago Cubs baseball team. And "Santa Claus, Saint or Felon" is a must read, as well as "Fixing the Y2K Problem." This digital edition is complete with redacted text, numerous nested parenthetical phrases, and two bonus essays which did not appear in the original print edition.

Here is a chance for readers to again experience what the author’s email correspondents enjoyed before blogging and social media became mainstream and tedious.

Available on Amazon and Google Books

I Think Therefore I Am: A Collection of My Thoughts (2000 Edition - Print) Available from: Amazon (Paperback) and Google Play (Digital Copy)

I Think Therefore I Am: A Collection of My Thoughts: Re-Digitized Edition (2015 Kindle Edition) Available from: Amazon (Kindle eBook)

Special Offer through Amazon

The Kindle edition of I Think Therefore I Am is part of the Kindle Match program which means if you purchased a paper copy in the past, or purchase the paper copy today, you can add on the Kindle edition for just 99 cents--half off the regular price! You don't even need to keep the paper copy, give it to a friend! (P.S. I don't know if I am actually even allowed to suggest that, so don't tell anyone. (P.S.S. Okay, tell a few people. I guess it's called "word of mouth."))

Free Samples

• They're Back! - After the 2nd worst baseball start ever

  Why the Cubs played the second worse start in MLB

• Wealth, Love, and Chucks

  Proof life is better in a pair of Chucks

• Little Red

  Simon says raise your hand if you had a little red wagon when you were a child. Now put your hand down. Simon didn't say! Now back...

• It's the End of the World

  I, as a well-informed citizen, know that many have been making predictions for the millennium about asteroids, demons, militias, a...

• Santa Claus, Saint or Felon?

  So on the night of the 24th some fat guy in a red suit is supposed to break into millions of homes by squeezing through a chimney ...

• BRS

  I'm a listener to all music from country to rock, blues to jazz, and alternative to symphony. I even like artists who are in class...

• Hate It When That Happens

  I was watching my favorite government conspiracy drama with my friend one night when a familiar scene came on. The FBI surrounded ...

• Say It Ain't So - The passing of Harry Caray

  "Say it ain't so." Chicago and the fans of baseball are saying it again, but this time it isn't the White Sox of 1919. The unbelie...

• As the World Groans

  I've never quite figured out soap operas. As far as I know, they all deal with crooked people, terrorists, someone getting lost, a...

• Evaluations

  For the second time in my life, the first being a year ago in a psychiatrist's office, I had to go through an evaluation, These th...

• The Joke's on You

  So a politician, a lawyer, and a federal agent walk into a bar. They each have a drink. The politician notices a cute blonde at th...

• What Do You Collect?

  I have a fear of collecting dust by just sitting around. I need to be active and use my time. Getting a second job came to mind, b...

• Ad, Ad, Everywhere an Ad

  They are everywhere, television, Internet, phone calls, posters, along the road, papers, magazines, and even the sacred electronic...

• Cyber Bumper Stickers

  Perhaps one of the most frustrating things in cyber space are the cyber citizens who use stupid signatures at the end of their e-m...

• Ghouls, Goblins, and Ghosts--Oh, My!

  Halloween is upon us and you know what that means! A gi­ant marshmallow. Or whatever the kids dress as these days. I remember the ...

• Gimme That Ol' Time 8-Bit Cartridge

  Baseball is the American sport, many changes over the years, many heroes, and many memories. Nothing used to bring us closer to th...

• Hate It When That Happens Revisited

  Art is sometimes difficult to understand. Being on a college campus, I am exposed to many forms of ununderstandable art in the for...

• ¿Qué? (What?)

  So I'm driving around uptown Omaha, Nebraska, one day and I stop at a traffic light. There is a Chinese restaurant with a sign tha...

• Answers, Precious Answers

  Recently I was told that I have an answer for everything. This made me think as my ego grew bigger: Am I smart-minded or smart-mou...

• Chad Kluck Turns 21

  Today marks a milestone in my life. Five years ago when I turned sixteen, I achieved my freedom by being able to drive wherever my...

• Christmas Wish List

  The day after Thanksgiving is traditionally known as the day after Thanksgiving. It is also known as the busiest shopping day of t...

• My Thoughts, An Editorial

  This editorial does not necessarily reflect the views of any of those who placed accompanying advertising. Last Tuesday, Minnesota...

• Flight to Egypt

  I was thinking the other day (Oh dear Lord no! Take shelter before these thoughts take shape!) about air travel. I feel that air t...

• I'll Be Home with Bells On

  Christmas is upon us. Kids are on break from school, shop­pers scurry to find gifts at stores only to find empty shelves, and fami...

• The Artist Formerly Known As Chad

  I will soon be entering a new profession. Records. Not only records but CDs, tapes, and 8-Tracks. I hope to make it big in my new ...

• Fixing the Y2K Problem

  As some of you may know, there is controversy over the fact that since the first year of the A.D. era was A.D. 1, the new mil­lenn...

• My Thoughts Editorial - I See the Light

  This editorial does not necessarily reflect the views of its ad­vertisers. I usually get my news by reading a weekly news maga­zin...

• V-Day, the Ugly Truth

  A friend recently emailed me and told me that (and I quote): "You know those darn girlfriends just get in the way of our selfishne...

• As the World Groans, Episode II

  One concept that soap operas do not have is time. When a week passes in our time, or normal time, only a day or so passes in soap ...

• Death of a Slinky

  Memories, in the corner of my mind... I lie in bed thinking of this song, daydreaming about the days I had something I now no long...

• Big Brother

  It has been a while since I've come forth with a conspiracy theory, so I figure it is due time I come forth with a conspiracy theo...

• My Thoughts Editorial - Easter

  This editorial does not necessarily reflect the views of the author, distributor, or advertisers of this fine column. Another holi...

• Simplify

  Simplify. Interesting word. Simple comes from the Latin word simplus, meaning one or single. Simplify, divided, is simple and -ifj...

• My Thoughts Editorial - Why Worry?

  This editorial does not necessarily reflect the view of any of its advertisers or even author. It seems to be of concern that the ...

• Public Displays

  Call me old fashioned, but I am one who strives for decency. If it is not in the bath or Sistine Chapel, it must have clothes on. ...

• As The World Groans Episode III

  It is now time for another As the World Groans. When we last left Barnes, he had poisoned his mother Mrs. Gilgor and revealed that...

• A Toast at the First Thanksgiving

  A toast at the first Thanksgiving: “Here we sit today in America, giving thanks to all that God has given us. Last year we set sai...